how great is our god

i have to begin today by telling you about a challenge i made to myself a couple of weeks ago. at a sunday school lesson on the subject of prayer, i was disheartened to realize that my prayer life was far from being the way i desired. i made a commitment to try to stay more focused on god's presence throughout the day and have an ongoing conversation with him like i used to do. this may sound strange to some of you, but it is simply about taking the time to pray for my needs and the needs of others as i go about my day. and- most importantly- tuning out the other noise in my life to make me more in tune to what god is trying to tell me. the lord has been amazing to me in all the days that i have focused on our communication, but today i had to share some specifics.

so this is not the best day in our household. today i should be working, and the kids should be at school playing and learning. instead- my sweet everett woke up with the stomach bug that lorelei had late last week. poor thing, at almost 16 months old, he was impossible to console this morning as i first tried a bath to wash all the nasty off of him. he fought me tooth and nail, and it was physically impossible to get him to sit down in the tub. he kept grabbing me around the neck, trying to climb out of the tub and into my arms. he didn't understand that i was right there with him, but it was necessary for me to clean him up before i could snuggle him as close as he wanted me to.
god spoke to my heart: why do you fight and scream and try to scratch your way out of the cleansing flood i sometimes bring? can't you see that in those moments, the filth of your sin is coming between the two of us? don't let anyone convince you that you are drowning- i will not let you. just allow me to clean you up so that i can fully embrace you and wrap you up in my arms.


i pulled him out of the bath tub as quickly as i could, but some of his stench still lingered. i held him close, kissed his head, and loved him anyway. that's just what a mother does.
the lord said: even when you are caught up in the guilt and the shame of the way you've been living... even when you're just sure that all those around you can still smell the odor of your indifference, disobedience, or unworthiness, i hold you close and love you anyway. you are mine. that's just what your father does.


the next battle of the morning was that he was hungry. starving by his standards i'm sure, and genuinely confused as to why there was no breakfast on the table like most mornings. i tried to explain, "baby, your tummy is sick. putting food in there right now would only make it worse." he- of course- didn't even hear my words because he was too busy begging and screaming, and pointing to the highchair.
i heard his sweet voice say: my child, so many times you have asked me for something, maybe even expected it, but i couldn't let you have it. those things you were begging for would not have saved you or brought real comfort or satisfaction. only i can do that. they would have made the situation worse, but you couldn't see that. in my time, you may still have the things you've been pleading for and waiting for, but for now you must trust that i know my reasons, and you could not even understand them. be patient. i'll never let you starve.


i just held everett through the rest of the morning, and i let him cry in my arms when he needed to. i hate that my sweet boy is sick, but i relish every moment i have to hold him close and comfort him. finally, he decided he was too hungry to wait any longer, and he again began to cry and beg for food. i felt it might be a good time to test the waters because he hadn't been sick in awhile. so- i set him down- which he hated, and ran to get the saltines. he literally stopped in his tracks, wiped tears off his face, and smiled when he saw them coming. the first cracker made his day. a few minutes later, i gave him another, but this time his response was different. he took this wonderful, square piece of yummy goodness, and he began to run to me. i thought he wanted to sit in my lap while he enjoyed it, but he did something that really surprised me. the precious baby held out his cracker and offered it to me. when i took it in my hand, he didn't fuss, he took the last two steps to my arms, embraced me with his, and laid the biggest kiss on my face.
i prayed: father, god- make me more like everett as i pursue a deeper relationship with you. help me to be grateful for every blessing you give me, while offering it back to you as a sign that nothing brings me more joy than our fellowship together.

what a sweet sick day i had with my son and my heavenly father.