October 21, 2008

oh midway high forever

last weekend was my 10 year high school reunion. i was actually able to set fairly low expectations- thanks in part to the reflections in my last blog- and i have to say i was not disappointed. honestly, the highlight of the weekend was having so many of my friends here at one time. tiffany, one of my bff's since 3rd grade, and her sweet husband steven came and spent the whole weekend at our house while the kids were sleeping away with their grandparents. friday night before the football game 10 of us got together for pizza at my house and i just loved looking around the room seeing the faces of those who were so important to me in high school and remain the true staples of my life today. we were then off for a whirlwind weekend full of conversations with old friends. it was really fun to catch up and see how people were and what they are doing now. i have to say that there weren't many huge changes- at least not in the people who showed up. most people still looked about the same, but i did really enjoy seeing their children at the family picnic we had on saturday.

that night was the big event, and i enjoyed having a reason to get dressed up. there were people i definitely missed seeing, but for the most part i had 4 hours of fun while my dear husband endured 4 hours of slow torture. he was such a trooper, though. not one complaint all weekend. even when tif and i were up until 2:00 am both nights reliving our high school experience through year books, old pictures, and a box of notes i dug up at my mom's house.

did i mention in my last blog not only my tendency to idealize the future but also to romanticize the past? i mean, i love, love, love my life now as a wife and a mother, but it have to say that inside i still don't feel like a "gown-up." when lorelei was learning to speak, she couldn't say grown-up so she instead used the word "grumps." i've gotta say that the life i lived 10 years ago still feels like yesterday in some respects, and as much as i wouldn't ever trade what i have now to go back there, i don't know that i'm ready to be a "grump" either. =

so is there anything i really miss about high school? other than panther football season, of course? sure. i miss having my friends like tif, marc and alison a few streets away instead of out of reach for real daily contact. though i don't really miss the drama and insecurities that are common for teenagers, i do sometimes think of the freedom that i had then to make all the decisions (and mistakes) i wanted based solely on my emotions and the way i felt that day because they didn't affect anyone but me. i also know i was busy then, but my whole calendar was filled with things that i wanted to do instead of the busyness i have now that relates to cleaning, laundry and diaper changing.

the point is- it was fun acting like the 16 year old version of myself this weekend and catching up with people who made those times so turbulent and exciting, but today i am glad to wake up back in my current life filled with little voices, big smiles, a handsome husband and yes- even a diaper or two!

October 13, 2008

where the green grass grows

i am not a pessimist, an optimist or a realist. i am the worst kind of "ist" a person can be. i am an idealist. that means that i tend to build things up- like people, events or projects to be so grand in my mind that the real thing can never live up to my dream. then, i am ultimately disappointed and find myself often giving in to the "grass is always greener" way of thinking.

don't get me wrong... i always know that i am blessed and that my momentary struggles are nothing compared to those of most, but today is a day when i'm particularly thankful as i begin counting my blessings.

* this time last year, i was pregnant and miserable- looking like i swallowed the halloween pumpkin. but this year, i have the sweetest baby boy to show for it. last week, with a face full of yogurt, he looked right at me and muttered, "mama" for the first time! (see picture)
* this time last year, i had a sweet, smart 2 year old who was being tested for some terrifying medical conditions. but this year she is even sweeter and smarter, completely healed, and watching her take on the role of big sister in such a loving way has brought me enormous joy!
* this time last year, i was missing my sister and praying for my brother in law as he served in iraq. now i'm still missing them both but incredibly grateful that ryan came home safely and they have been reunited.
* my mom was constantly busy and stressed, and although usually surrounded by people i knew she was lonely. now, she is still quite busy and stressed for different reasons, but she's happier than i've seen her in a long time.
* my in-laws were in pflugerville and still waiting on a job transfer 3 years after they asked for it. now they live 5 minutes away, and we could not be happier to have so much time with them and the help they provide.

ok- you get the idea, but i'm just so thankful for all these answered prayers along with the fact that i have a great job, even better friends and the best family ever. thank you, jesus!

October 3, 2008

play that funky music

i cannot find the words to express the meaning that music has in my life. there are songs that make me weep either because of the way the lyrics are paired with the melody, or- more often- because of the memories that flood my mind each time i hear them. then there are songs that can lift my spirits and relax me no matter how bad my day has been, and songs that make me double over with laughter thinking about how i misheard the words the first time i heard them (like the JLo song that i thought said "think i want to drive your pants -i don't.)

so it has always brought me joy to see lorelei's love for music and ability to remember songs and carry a tune. one prayer i have for my children is that they will have nice enough voices that if they love to sing they don't have to wait until they are alone in their cars to belt out their favorite songs like their mommy does. i was always so disappointed with the fact that i could dance pretty well, had a love for musical theater, but didn't have the voice to take me beyond being a chorus girl. yep- i'm sure that my lack of vocal talent is the ONLY thing that came between me and broadway ;)

everett is still a bit young to show whether he will have such a passion for music, but this week i started to see a real connection. sweet rett is so busy these days, always pulling up and cruising around while holding on to furniture, and he just loves his mobility. therefore-- he has been very unhappy when strapped into his carseat lately. the entire time we are driving in the car, he is either crying, screaming, or hollering, "nana nana nana!"

so the other day while jeremy was driving, everett was wailing, and lorelei was covering her ears, i remembered something that worked while he was a newborn. i reached down and grabbed my rent soundtrack, popped it in, and started the song Seasons of Love. he heard the first note of the song, and he became silent. i've been doing it every day now, and it always works. only that song- but as soon as it begins, he calms down, gets quiet and turns his head to look out the window and relax. i love it! praise god it is a song i enjoy and not something that will get stuck in my head and keep me up at night like the 2 line songs sweet lulu sometimes sings like a broken record.